Truth Be Told

The name of this blog is also the name of one of my favorite Blues Traveler albums. More on this in a moment.

Today, Mrs. S., the woman I work with at the after school program in Trenton, told me I was helpful and that she was really glad I was there. That was the first time in a while that I had the sense that I was really supposed to be here.

Because, truth be told, I'm having a hard time here.

This was compounded by my visit to Mississippi this weekend. I saw all the people who changed my life in amazing and profound ways, and returned to a place where I found myself in many ways.

So far, this place is not like that. I'm trying really, really hard and still don't feel at home. I'm lacking deep relationships (except K who I love, if she's reading) and haven't laughed really hard in a while. The classes feel irrelevant and Princeton feels like a ridiculously small bubble.

And the worst part is I don't know how much of this is me and how much is the school, how much I need to change.

One of the best parts of my day, aside from Mrs. S's comment, was my field ed. meeting. For those of you outside the "loop", basically we're meeting with advisers already to start talking about our internships. I realized later that this was so great for 3 reasons. 1. The woman was really awesome and seemed to "get" me within a few minutes of talking. 2. I can't wait to work again! I'm itching so fiercely for some real-life application. 3. I can't wait to get out of here. I want to travel and see more of the world.

Tonight my Mom asked if I was questioning what I'm doing. Rest assured, I'm not. I just wish there was any other way to get there.

Maybe I just need a nap.

Or maybe like Traveler says,

"Yes, I'm all prepared but in the face of it all I get just the littlest bit scared."

So, right or wrong, truth be told, that's how I'm feeling.