So the ideal with ministry, particularly in a place where you're working with the disadvantaged, is to see Christ in the face of every person you meet. A professor once gave us a hint for this task. The face itself is a cross. The nose leading up to the forehead, intersected by the eyes forms a cross able to be seen on any person's face. A reminder to others that this person is loved. Also, like any muscle, you need to exercise your heart on this. You need to look past the dirty clothes, the skin color, the gender, the rotting teeth and disabilities. It's tough work, but in time one gets better at it and is able to conjure up some love that has long been repressed by the teachings of a fearful society. In other words, in rare moments, one can feel onself simultaneously looking at Christ and being Christ.
This gets easier working at a place like BSM, where I'm working this summer. Everyone here has committed their life to this task -- to being welcoming and loving to those who have been tossed out by the world. In fact, the love is so overwhelming that I'd nearly forgotten that the rest of the world isn't actually like that. Good thing it only took a trip to Starbucks to remember.
This week, while waiting on line for my coffee, I realized our BSM friend, Pat, was ahead of me on line. He was counting out his money while the young lady behind the counter grabbed his coffee. Simultaneously, however, the manager (I guess) began loudly, so everyone could hear, to inform him that he couldn't stay. Pat asked if he couldn't just stay for a few minutes to drink his coffee. The manager said no. Pat asked for his money back and didn't take his coffee. When it was my turn, I grabbed his coffee with mine and ran outside to find him. I told him I knew him from BSM and asked him to sit with me at one of their outside tables. We sat for a while and talked. He seemed to know the area I was from. Then Pat drifted off. He seemed to be getting angry at people who weren't there. I went back to work and when we saw him later he was full out yelling at invisible enemies.
Two things, then, are causing me trouble. I don't feel like my sitting with Pat makes a difference. He's still homeless and he won't remember me tomorrow. I mean I can rationalize it and I know it's better to sit with someone than to not sit with them, but the problems seem neverending. Secondly, I don't know how to transfer the love and passion from someplace like BSM to the people at Starbucks and the people at City Hall and the people at the White House. How do we expand the bubble of faith and love and hope?
Thursday, June 19, 2008
Sunday, June 15, 2008
(Melted) Reflections on a Summer Heat Wave
To preface: Many of you know that I am tolerant of the heat. I like it even. I love feeling warm and not having to worry about a jacket. I like wearing tank tops and flowy skirts as often as possible. To that end, I had no trouble moving to Mississippi. I loved sitting outside even on the hottest days as long as I had a cool drink in my hands.
Ok.
Then this happened.
Three days after moving to Philly, I realized the AC in my apartment wasn't working. No sweat (pun intended) I thought. I have a fan and like the warmth and its not even that hot. My mom advised me to have it looked into anyway. Yeah, yeah I said. When I have time.
Then two days later, the worst heatwave Philly has ever experienced descended upon the city (I may be exaggerating this statistic -- I'm no weatherperson or historian, but I'm sure it was close to the worst if not actually THE worst). If you live in the Northeast, you know. The week went like this:
Sunday- Phone call #1 placed to management company. They promised to be there the next day. I also triple check to make sure the windows don't open. They don't. That's right, the windows don't open.
Monday- No evidence of anyone having fixed the AC. Call #2 placed. They say the guy works until 7 and he still might show up. 7 comes and goes without a rescuer.
Monday night/Tuesday morning- I believe that the whirring of my little fan meant for a small dorm is actually crying. I don't think the poor thing can take much more.
Tuesday/Wednesday afternoon- We go on a welcome retreat to the shore from where I place a phone call (#3) to the manager of my building. She informs me that she hasn't heard anything of my complaints and not only that, through a series of complicated situations (ask me about that on a rainy day) she doesn't have a key to my apartment so they can't get in. I call her back saying I will sit there all day or give her a key or beat up a grandma if she can fix the AC. I don't hear back from her.
Wednesday night- As my thermostat is pushing 90, I read that several people have died in the city due to the heat. I call the emergency number of the building. About an hour later, the general maintenance guy shows up and is able to get a small amount of air moving, so at least I know I'm not breathing my own carbon monoxide, but not much else.
Thursday- Finally success. After dropping my key off. I see results and sleep under my covers for the first time in a week.
While this incident was more of an uncomfortable annoyance for me than anything else, it did teach me something about not being listened to by the only people who have power to change the situation. I think this is the case with a lot of the people we're working with. With no voice to represent them, one leap forward (finally talking to the bldg manager) is often met by a set back (she doesn't have a key). For many of our homeless friends, loss of a job combined with mental illness have allowed them to fall off the grid. I'm learning how easy it is to fall off, but how incredibly difficult it is to come back.
Ok.
Then this happened.
Three days after moving to Philly, I realized the AC in my apartment wasn't working. No sweat (pun intended) I thought. I have a fan and like the warmth and its not even that hot. My mom advised me to have it looked into anyway. Yeah, yeah I said. When I have time.
Then two days later, the worst heatwave Philly has ever experienced descended upon the city (I may be exaggerating this statistic -- I'm no weatherperson or historian, but I'm sure it was close to the worst if not actually THE worst). If you live in the Northeast, you know. The week went like this:
Sunday- Phone call #1 placed to management company. They promised to be there the next day. I also triple check to make sure the windows don't open. They don't. That's right, the windows don't open.
Monday- No evidence of anyone having fixed the AC. Call #2 placed. They say the guy works until 7 and he still might show up. 7 comes and goes without a rescuer.
Monday night/Tuesday morning- I believe that the whirring of my little fan meant for a small dorm is actually crying. I don't think the poor thing can take much more.
Tuesday/Wednesday afternoon- We go on a welcome retreat to the shore from where I place a phone call (#3) to the manager of my building. She informs me that she hasn't heard anything of my complaints and not only that, through a series of complicated situations (ask me about that on a rainy day) she doesn't have a key to my apartment so they can't get in. I call her back saying I will sit there all day or give her a key or beat up a grandma if she can fix the AC. I don't hear back from her.
Wednesday night- As my thermostat is pushing 90, I read that several people have died in the city due to the heat. I call the emergency number of the building. About an hour later, the general maintenance guy shows up and is able to get a small amount of air moving, so at least I know I'm not breathing my own carbon monoxide, but not much else.
Thursday- Finally success. After dropping my key off. I see results and sleep under my covers for the first time in a week.
While this incident was more of an uncomfortable annoyance for me than anything else, it did teach me something about not being listened to by the only people who have power to change the situation. I think this is the case with a lot of the people we're working with. With no voice to represent them, one leap forward (finally talking to the bldg manager) is often met by a set back (she doesn't have a key). For many of our homeless friends, loss of a job combined with mental illness have allowed them to fall off the grid. I'm learning how easy it is to fall off, but how incredibly difficult it is to come back.
Tuesday, June 3, 2008
The City of Brotherly Love
This past weekend I moved to Philly to begin an internship. I'll be working out of a church that is trying to build a community between the homeless and the artists that live in Center City. For the summer, they're having youth groups stay at the church to do service projects in and around the city. I'm facilitating that and I'm slightly terrified.
The four of us doing this program are living in a very swanky apartment that shares a building with Banana Republic. That's right -- I live in Banana Republic. My co-workers seem great so far and I can tell that we were chosen for our unique gifts, hopefully leading to a cohesive whole that will run like a well-oiled machine. Hopefully.
Back to my job specifically. I am to be the non-anxious presence as I take groups of kids around the city to various service projects such as soup kitchens, shelters and parks. While on the move, I need to be asking them such as questions as "Yes, why DO you think that sign says no shopping carts?" or "Well, actually this community used to be fairly run down and now its what we called 'gentrified'. What do you think happened to all the people who lived here before?" and the classic, "Ok you're angry about this, what do you think God is challenging you to do?" And when plans fall through or buses are late or someone gets the one and only recorded snake bite in the history of Philadelphia, I need to be the non-anxious presence that calmly says, "Oh snake bites? Happens all the time! This way to the hospital, team!"
Yup, its gonna be tough. Its going to be a summer of leading with faith and trusting that God is there before us, paving the way.
The four of us doing this program are living in a very swanky apartment that shares a building with Banana Republic. That's right -- I live in Banana Republic. My co-workers seem great so far and I can tell that we were chosen for our unique gifts, hopefully leading to a cohesive whole that will run like a well-oiled machine. Hopefully.
Back to my job specifically. I am to be the non-anxious presence as I take groups of kids around the city to various service projects such as soup kitchens, shelters and parks. While on the move, I need to be asking them such as questions as "Yes, why DO you think that sign says no shopping carts?" or "Well, actually this community used to be fairly run down and now its what we called 'gentrified'. What do you think happened to all the people who lived here before?" and the classic, "Ok you're angry about this, what do you think God is challenging you to do?" And when plans fall through or buses are late or someone gets the one and only recorded snake bite in the history of Philadelphia, I need to be the non-anxious presence that calmly says, "Oh snake bites? Happens all the time! This way to the hospital, team!"
Yup, its gonna be tough. Its going to be a summer of leading with faith and trusting that God is there before us, paving the way.
Thursday, April 17, 2008
After some research...
Tonight in the middle of writing a 10 minute feminist speech on Esther, another Lesley Gore song came on my Pandora station. This time it was "She's a Fool". I decided I needed to procrastinate and do some research. Now, Lesley Gore's history might be interesting only to me, but I was excited so here goes.
After several "do anything to make your stupid boyfriend happy because God knows you're not good enough on your own" songs, she recorded "You don't own me". I know those of you in your 60s are like, yeah we knew that, but isn't it ironic? So that was shock #1.
Then she went to Sarah Lawrence College, the world's epicenter of feminism. Shock #2
Then later in her life she came out as a Lesbian. Shock #3!
I just feel like writing her a letter and telling her how awesome her journey is, but I can't help but wonder if she regrets any of those early songs.
After several "do anything to make your stupid boyfriend happy because God knows you're not good enough on your own" songs, she recorded "You don't own me". I know those of you in your 60s are like, yeah we knew that, but isn't it ironic? So that was shock #1.
Then she went to Sarah Lawrence College, the world's epicenter of feminism. Shock #2
Then later in her life she came out as a Lesbian. Shock #3!
I just feel like writing her a letter and telling her how awesome her journey is, but I can't help but wonder if she regrets any of those early songs.
Tuesday, April 15, 2008
No wonder the women's movement had to happen
So tonight as I struggle to finish a paper on Hebrews, I'm listening to my Pandora.com quick mix of old music. For those of you who don't know Pandora, its a website where you can type in one artist, say The Supremes and it will play music by that person as well as come up with other similar music. I have a "station" with stuff like Ella Fitzgerald, Doo-Wop groups, Glen Miller, etc.
A few minutes ago this song "That's the Way Boys are" by Lesley Gore came on. I'm going to put the lyrics up here and I'm pretty sure everyone under 40 will think it's a joke and all of my older lady friends will sadly shake their head remembering when they rocked out to it in their bobby socks. Ok here's the lyrics and if you don't know it, just picture a happy, bubbly tune similar to that "Wishin and Hopin" song (which is another song with lots of problems).
"When I'm with my guy and he watches all the pretty girls go by...Well I feel so hurt deep inside, I wish that I could die!Not a word do I say...I just look the other way!'Cause that's the way boys are!That's the way boys are!
When he treats me rough and he acts as though he doesn't really care...Well, I never tell him that he is so unfair!Plus, he loves me and I know it...But he's just afraid to show it!'Cause that's the way boys are!That's the way boys are!
Oh, when he wants to be alone...I just let him be!'Cause I know that soon enough...He will come back to me!When we have a fight, I think that I won't see him anymore!Then before I know it - there he is...Standin' at my door!
Well I let him kiss me then...'Cause I know he wants me back again!That's the way boys are!Yes, that's the way boys are!Oh, I love him!Well now, that's the way boys are!I said that's the way boys are!"
Yikes! Although, as I think about how shameful it must have been for Ms. Gore to produce that song and sing it over and over, I wonder how far we've come with the singers teens look up to today. Their messages are probably not much better only now they wear less clothes.
A few minutes ago this song "That's the Way Boys are" by Lesley Gore came on. I'm going to put the lyrics up here and I'm pretty sure everyone under 40 will think it's a joke and all of my older lady friends will sadly shake their head remembering when they rocked out to it in their bobby socks. Ok here's the lyrics and if you don't know it, just picture a happy, bubbly tune similar to that "Wishin and Hopin" song (which is another song with lots of problems).
"When I'm with my guy and he watches all the pretty girls go by...Well I feel so hurt deep inside, I wish that I could die!Not a word do I say...I just look the other way!'Cause that's the way boys are!That's the way boys are!
When he treats me rough and he acts as though he doesn't really care...Well, I never tell him that he is so unfair!Plus, he loves me and I know it...But he's just afraid to show it!'Cause that's the way boys are!That's the way boys are!
Oh, when he wants to be alone...I just let him be!'Cause I know that soon enough...He will come back to me!When we have a fight, I think that I won't see him anymore!Then before I know it - there he is...Standin' at my door!
Well I let him kiss me then...'Cause I know he wants me back again!That's the way boys are!Yes, that's the way boys are!Oh, I love him!Well now, that's the way boys are!I said that's the way boys are!"
Yikes! Although, as I think about how shameful it must have been for Ms. Gore to produce that song and sing it over and over, I wonder how far we've come with the singers teens look up to today. Their messages are probably not much better only now they wear less clothes.
Tuesday, April 8, 2008
More Hopeful
Last week I thought the world was ending. This week things look better.
Sunday was an amazing day. I did my first full service and I think it went really well. More importantly, my whole family came out to support me, including those who haven't been in church in years and years.
For Mom's birthday/my Aunt and Uncle's anniversary, we went out to a fancy brunch. French toast and penne ala vodka always renew my faith in God.
Then yesterday at our first event of BGLASS week, 95 people showed up! It was amazing and definitely a sign that this community is turning toward a more open, loving stance.
Erin's coming to visit this weekend! I love seeing my MS friends because they remind me of who I am in a way and what I've been through.
All in all, I'm pumped!
Sunday was an amazing day. I did my first full service and I think it went really well. More importantly, my whole family came out to support me, including those who haven't been in church in years and years.
For Mom's birthday/my Aunt and Uncle's anniversary, we went out to a fancy brunch. French toast and penne ala vodka always renew my faith in God.
Then yesterday at our first event of BGLASS week, 95 people showed up! It was amazing and definitely a sign that this community is turning toward a more open, loving stance.
Erin's coming to visit this weekend! I love seeing my MS friends because they remind me of who I am in a way and what I've been through.
All in all, I'm pumped!
Thursday, April 3, 2008
While I take five minutes to catch my breath...
Hey everyone. Hopefully you haven't given up on me even though I haven't posted in a month. Things have been very busy. With midterms and working at a church, I feel like I haven't really had any time to reflect, but here are some things on my mind.
I'm very concerned about the cycles of Imperialism and its relation to religion. For instance, we read an article for class about the Spanish conquest of Latin and South America in the 16th century. Although they basically were committing genocide, the Spanish felt they were doing it for God. Sparing you from multiple other examples of this throughout history, I'll jump to the Iraq War. There is so much Christian language that goes along with the war that makes me very uncomfortable since it is ultimately also a war about gold, or oil in this case. I find it very important that the church speak the truth in these instances and yet I don't see it doing much now. What is our responsibility?
Secondly, I'm still struggling with the Katrina stuff. If you're like the rest of the country you've forgotten what that means and think I should get over it. But I continue to hear awful things from my friends down there, and none of the Presidential candidates are really talking about it. I wonder in all of Bush's talks about terrorism how he can't see that the gross ignorance and blatant racism in this situation is also some type of terrorism. Obviously I'm angry. And all this has been compounded by discussions on evil and providence in class these past two weeks. I'm not sure how Katrina fits into those topics.
Thirdly, I'm getting very excited for some time off and a summer in a city. I will have most of May off and then I'll begin my summer internship in Philadelphia. I know being back in a city, even if only for a few months will be a good change of pace. I really miss being anonymous, being able to walk around without bumping into a million people I know.
Speaking of summer, I'm taking suggestions for a summer reading list. Any ideas?
I'm very concerned about the cycles of Imperialism and its relation to religion. For instance, we read an article for class about the Spanish conquest of Latin and South America in the 16th century. Although they basically were committing genocide, the Spanish felt they were doing it for God. Sparing you from multiple other examples of this throughout history, I'll jump to the Iraq War. There is so much Christian language that goes along with the war that makes me very uncomfortable since it is ultimately also a war about gold, or oil in this case. I find it very important that the church speak the truth in these instances and yet I don't see it doing much now. What is our responsibility?
Secondly, I'm still struggling with the Katrina stuff. If you're like the rest of the country you've forgotten what that means and think I should get over it. But I continue to hear awful things from my friends down there, and none of the Presidential candidates are really talking about it. I wonder in all of Bush's talks about terrorism how he can't see that the gross ignorance and blatant racism in this situation is also some type of terrorism. Obviously I'm angry. And all this has been compounded by discussions on evil and providence in class these past two weeks. I'm not sure how Katrina fits into those topics.
Thirdly, I'm getting very excited for some time off and a summer in a city. I will have most of May off and then I'll begin my summer internship in Philadelphia. I know being back in a city, even if only for a few months will be a good change of pace. I really miss being anonymous, being able to walk around without bumping into a million people I know.
Speaking of summer, I'm taking suggestions for a summer reading list. Any ideas?
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